Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
