As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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