youre lurking in front of me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
