I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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