hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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