Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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