haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
