i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
