Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
