I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
