Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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