I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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