that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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