You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Are these your boobs on my camera?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
