he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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