we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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