Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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