I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
