hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
