Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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