all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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