you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
