hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
