After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
