my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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