there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
