for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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