I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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