Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
