I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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