Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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