there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
