brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
