I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
