I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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