I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize