Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.

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(513): View more from Ohio

god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

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(650): View more from California

Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

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(630): View more from Illinois

slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night

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(757): View more from Virginia

i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.

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(316): View more from Kansas

I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.

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