im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
