this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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