Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
