i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
