i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
