look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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