Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize