eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
