True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
