ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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