THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
