Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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