I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize