Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
