My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
