i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love having hate sex.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
