i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize