I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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