I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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