omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
