I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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