u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
