brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
