I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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