I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Watching her eat just hurts me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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