don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
