Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
