Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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