absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
