Having a random hookup so left but love u
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
