She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
