you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
