Can Purell be used as lube?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
